


His Eyes Were Warm

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Friends to Lovers, I promise, I suck at tags, M/M, Mental Illness, Mutual Pining, My First Fanfic, Nothing explicit, Slow Burn, This probably sucks, You get the idea, also i suck at summaries, because they're dumb, become friends, brief relationship with someone else, but they never do anything about it, but we're gonna go with it, coming to terms with sexuality, did i get too real for my first fic, etc etc etc, i'll add tags as i go, i'm not clever enough for that, it's so freaking cliche, joshler - Freeform, no one dies, no real structure for what albums the songs come from, obviously, past self-harm, sassy beebo, the title sucks tbh, they start out as strangers, they're lovestruck little shits who don't do anything about it, tyjo is a sad, we'll see, yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-10 22:41:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 13,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7864033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler wasn't happy. He hadn't been happy in a long time. He didn't think he deserved happiness.<br/>He was a twenty-one year old who lived with his parents and wrote shitty music that he would never dream of showing anyone. And he didn't show anyone, but Josh somehow managed to hear it without even trying.<br/>Josh.<br/>The stranger-soon-to-be-friend with the white smile and warm eyes.<br/>When Tyler met Josh, he never would have thought that he would be the one to teach him to not only love his music, but love himself.<br/>Yet here we are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tyler was a twenty one year old who lived with his parents. He made money working at the tiny music store on the corner of 23rd street. I’m sure this explains why he still lived with his parents.  
Anyway, he liked playing music on the small practise piano in the center of the store, but only when no one was around. He’d play his heart out, sometimes singing a song of his.  
If you were to guess when he wrote said songs, you would be correct in assuming he’d probably written it late at night when the darkness was too quiet and the demons were too loud. When he wrote, the demons hid. He liked it when the demons hid because that’s when they were quiet. Sometimes he liked silence. That kind of silence, anyway. Not the violent kind. Not the kind that left him empty and void of life. The kind of silence the darkness held.  
Tyler had a lot of demons. He hated the way he looked, he hated his voice, he hated his clothes, he hated the way his eyes squinted when he smiled, he hated himself. He hated his writing, but the writing helped, so he continued doing it.  
Today, he was sitting at the piano bench supplied for customers who wanted to try it out. He had just finished double checking his surroundings (for the twentieth time) to be sure that no one else was around. Usually he would wait until the shop was officially closed to play, but it was closing in ten minutes and the shop was empty, other than himself and another employee, Brendon. Brendon was napping in the back room because he “woke up too early for this shit and needs his beauty rest, dammit!” and left Tyler to his own devices, so he deemed it safe to play.  
He played the beginning of the song he’d been working on and decided to fit the words to the notes.  
“I wanna fall inside your ghost,” He started quietly. “And fill up every hole inside my mind,” He continued to sing softly, building up the power in his voice as he went.  
When he got to the rap, he held nothing back. Some would think that the music he wrote was not something that rap would fit with, but he felt that it worked. It’s not like anyone would ever hear it anyway.  
“I said, don’t be afraid.” he finished, eyes closed and breathing heavy.  
“Whoa.” Tyler’s eyes flew open and he jumped so hard, he ended up on his feet with the bench laying on it’s side on the floor.  
“Wha- I don’t- oh god- I-” Tyler looked frantically around the room. He was sure no one was in the shop. Someone must’ve walked in when he was playing. God, he should have been paying more attention.  
“Hey, relax, that was sick!” He finally looks up at the face of the first person to ever hear his music. The first thing he noticed was the pink hair, the second thing he noticed was the gauges, the third thing he noticed was the nose ring, but the fourth thing he noticed was his warm brown eyes. Eyes that no matter how intimidating he tried to be, would always betray him. They were the kindest eyes he’d ever seen. What was Tyler thinking? He doesn’t know this guy, how could he say that his eyes looked “kind”?  
The person says something, but Tyler was so far in his thoughts that he didn’t hear him.  
“I- what?” He stutters, face going red.  
The guy just laughs quietly, a sound that Tyler really, really likes. “I said, what’s the song called?”  
“Oh, um, Taxi Cab.” He mumbled and traced the rubber band on his wrist with his finger. A nervous habit.  
The stranger’s warm brown eyes glanced down to the rubber band. Tyler hid his hands.  
“Do you have an album or something? I really wanna hear more.” The stranger continued. Tyler shook his head slightly and saw the stranger’s face fall a little bit. “You really should. From what I just heard, you could really make it.”  
Tyler didn’t know how to handle this information. Was he that good? No, he couldn’t be. The guy just feels bad or something. He probably hated it, right?  
“The name’s Josh, by the way.” Josh.  
“Tyler.” He said it quietly and the only reason Josh could hear it was because no one else was in the shop.  
Oh shit, the shop. He needs to close down.  
Tyler looked frantically at the wall clock on the other side of the shop. 3 minutes past closing time. The whole encounter with Josh was a lot longer than it felt. For some reason though, he didn’t want it to end, despite the awkwardness and the fact that someone just heard his music.  
“Sorry, I gotta uh- I have to um… close down the uh, shop.” Why was it so damn hard to talk normally?  
“Oh, okay. I was just in here to look anyway. Maybe I’ll see you here tomorrow?” Tomorrow? Why would he want to see him tomorrow? Why did he want to come back to see Tyler, of all people? He did work tomorrow though, so he nodded shortly and sent a small smile Josh’s way. Josh smiled back.  
Tyler liked Josh’s smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this probs sucks balls but oh well  
> hello people! posting this has my anxiety through the roof, but a fren said i should so here we are.  
> i really hope you enjoyed it (if anyone even read it lmao), i'll post more as soon as i can- hopefully i can update at least once a week  
> stay alive frens and remember, josh dun is josh fun (yes that was a dun pun, fight me) |-/


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler was not expecting for Josh to actually show up the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea how jobs work (i'm 14 dammit) so idk if any of this is accurate to how jobs work lmao  
> i've also never been in a music shop oops

The next day when Tyler went into work he did not expect to actually see Josh again. He should have, considering he said he would come by, but he always just assumed that he didn’t deserve solid promises.  
Tyler was restocking when he heard his voice.  
“Hey!” Dropping what he was doing, Tyler turned around quickly.  
“H-hey, what’re you doing here?” his voice came out small as he attempted to calm his rapid heart rate.  
Josh just gave him a strange look. “I said I would come.” Tyler just continued to stare at him. “Unless you uh, didn’t want me to come by? I am some weird stranger… I didn’t mea-”  
“No! No, I’m just surprised you actually meant it.”  
“Why wouldn’t I mean it?” Silence.  
Tyler could feel eyes on his back and glanced back to Brendon at the counter, looking over his Alternative Press magazine at them with a knowing smirk that Tyler couldn’t quite place.  
Brendon was his closest thing to a real friend. Well, him and Jenna, but he knew Jenna since they were kids and he figured that she just stayed around because their parents were friends.  
“I don’t know, people don’t typically come around to see me.” Tyler returned his eyes to Josh’s warm ones.  
“Well… I was kinda hoping… maybe I could hear more of your music? You’re really good and you don’t have an album for me to listen to…” Well shit.  
“Um I’m really not that good, and I didn’t mean for anyone to hear me yesterday, or really ever and my songs are kind of dark and I don’t know if-” Tyler caught himself rambling and shut his mouth immediately. He probably scared Josh away for sure this time.  
Josh just had a small sad smile playing on his lips.  
“Maybe another time?” Josh said quietly.  
“Maybe.” He wasn’t even sure why he said maybe, he barely knew Josh. All he knew was that he didn’t want to disappoint him.

 

Josh stuck around, looking at drumsticks and admiring the acoustic drum kit set up in the corner until Tyler’s shift was over.  
Meanwhile, when Tyler stopped by the front counter, Brendon took his opportunity.  
“He’s cute. What’s your new guy’s name?” Tyler was very taken aback by this question.  
“We- we’re not- he’s not ‘my guy’.” Tyler could tell his face was bright red.  
“Mhm ok, sure. What’s his name though?”  
“Josh”  
“Well if Josh isn’t your guy, you should definitely hit him up, he obviously likes you.” Another smirk.  
“He doesn’t like me, I met him yesterday.” Tyler says quietly. Josh doesn’t like him. No one liked him.  
“Well there is something called ‘love at first sight’!”  
“No. Please stop talking about it.” And Tyler did not want to talk about it.  
He looked up at the clock and realized his shift was almost over, so he walked over to Josh, who for some reason asked him to tell him when his shift was over.

 

Josh was looking at a pair of drumsticks when Tyler walked over.  
“Hey, I’m gonna buy these, then I wanna ask you something.” Tyler just nodded his head and felt a wave of anxiety wash over him when Josh mentioned asking him something.  
When Josh walked back over to him, he had a smile on his face that made his warm eyes gleam and made Tyler feel funny.  
“So, my question. Do you wanna hang out for a little bit?” He had a slight blush on his face.  
Tyler, for one was freaking out. Why was he freaking out? It’s not like Josh is asking him out! He’s just a guy that wants to hang out with Tyler for some reason. Wait, why did he want to hang out with Tyler? Maybe he’s a murderer and wants an easy victim. If that’s the case, maybe he should do go with him just to get it over with. But Josh isn’t a murderer, he can tell. A murderer wouldn’t have such a kind face or such a genuine smile.  
For reasons unbeknownst to him, he nodded. Josh smiled another wide, white smile.  
Tyler would never get over his smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how was it? should i make the chapters longer?  
> i feel like it sucks  
> i always think my writing sucks so i really want feedback! feedback is awesome  
> also follow me on twitter if you want (@spiffykustard), i don't really talk about the fic but i think i have pretty funny tweets lmao  
> Stay alive frens |-/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how i feel about this chapter but whatever  
> i'm gonna make chapters longer, i promise  
> i updated because i wanted to write and i felt like updating so here we are  
> i change pov at one point in this chapter to josh btw  
> also, i want to address something but i'll save that for the end note  
> i hope you enjoy

Josh didn’t like Tyler. Well, that’s what Tyler had convinced himself. Now, he didn’t think that Josh didn’t like him at all, people don’t just ask to hang out if they don’t like you at all. Unless they feel forced to, but Josh could have just forgotten about him. The fact that anyone wanted to even hang out with him in the first place was baffling and confusing to him. He was convinced, though, that Josh did not like him in the way that Brendon seemed to imply.

Tyler and Josh were on their way to a small pizza place within walking distance of both the music shop and Josh’s apartment, but not before Brendon sent some very inappropriate hand gestures Tyler’s way. Tyler still didn’t know why he agreed to hanging out, he was going to bore Josh or weird him out and he would never talk to him again. And despite the fact that they had just met the day before and Tyler doesn’t trust anyone, he felt somewhat inclined to trust Josh. A gut feeling you might say.

“What kind of pizza do you get?” Josh turned to face Tyler. He was so far in his thoughts that he almost didn’t hear the question.

“Oh uh, just cheese.” Tyler responded quietly.

“Just cheese? Okay,” He turned to the girl taking the order. “We’ll take one large pizza, half cheese, half hawaiian. Thank you.”

After they got their pizza they started walking to Josh’s place. Josh kept looking over at Tyler and Tyler kept his eyes on the pavement, willing the slight blush on his face to go away and kicking pebbles as they walked.

“So Tyler, tell me something about yourself.”

“What do you want to know?” Tyler had a list of things in his mind that he would always lie about if he was asked, and even if he felt that he might actually trust Josh, he doesn’t trust Josh enough for him to be an exception if he were to ask any of the questions.

“Hmm... what’s your favorite video game?” The question was so unexpected to Tyler that he couldn’t help the little giggle that bubbled up and felt his face grow even redder. People always asked personal questions. He liked questions like these.

“Mario Kart, obviously.” It was still small, but his voice was a little more confident than usual.

“Good choice.” Josh smiled at him and Tyler smiled back widely. He wasn’t surprised when he felt the familiar funny feeling he gets when Josh smiles.

  
  


Josh liked Tyler. He was beautiful. His heart stuttered when Tyler smiled at him a few moments before. The way his eyes squinted and his dimples showed so clearly. Josh would never visit a stranger and ask them to hang out if it was anyone else. Even though he was still virtually a stranger, Josh felt himself drawn to Tyler in a way he’d never been for anyone else. His floral shoes, the way he hung his head as if he didn’t know he was beautiful, and the music. Oh god, the  _ music _ . He wasn’t sure why Tyler seemed to not like his music. The song he heard the day before was the best song he’d ever heard. Tyler’s voice was the best voice he’d ever heard. Josh, of course, wouldn’t dream of telling Tyler these things. Not right now, anyway. He’d probably scare him off and he didn’t even know if Tyler was gay. He wasn’t willing to ruin anything with Tyler.

Josh sighed quietly and looked over at Tyler again. He was still keeping his eyes to the ground.

They walked up to a small apartment complex and he let Tyler know that they were there.

It was small and crappy, but it worked.

“Make yourself at home.” Josh exclaimed when they walked through his door and he headed to the kitchen to grab some plates.

Tyler sat down on the couch and before long they were both sitting on the couch and eating pizza.

“Wait, I have mario kart 64… wanna play?”

“Really?” Tyler’s eyes went wide and another smile, albeit still a little shy, on his face. “Of fucking course I wanna play!”

Josh had never seen such an enthusiastic reaction from Tyler.

After they set up the console and played mario kart for around four hours straight, Josh being beat by Tyler just about every time, and exchanging phone numbers, Tyler figured it was time to head home.

“Thanks for hanging out with me,” Josh started, “You’re really cool.”

Tyler smiled a little bit, but it disappeared quickly.

“Bye Josh.”

“Bye Tyler.”

“Wait, I have something to say.” Josh’s heart rate picked up slightly.

“Yeah?”

“Pineapple on a pizza is fucking disgusting.” The smile on Tyler’s face was at full force and Josh got goosebumps.

  
  


Tyler definitely liked Josh. It really scared him. Josh would never like him back like that because he’s, well, Tyler, but the thought of liking a guy terrified him.

He’d never really felt a lot towards anyone before. Why was it different now? Why was Josh different? Was it because Josh seems to actually care about Tyler? He couldn’t have actually cared for him though. People like Josh are too good to care about people as bad as Tyler.

It was probably because he didn’t know how bad Tyler was. He didn’t know his thoughts. Didn’t know his demons.

He wasn’t going to know.

Earlier that day when Josh had said he was cool, Tyler couldn’t believe him. He just smiled a small, brief smile and brushed it off. Tyler isn’t cool. He’s fucked up. He’s fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so here it goes  
> i am not writing this because i think tyler and josh are gay. if either of them ever came out as anything other than straight, that'd be great, but i'm not going to pretend that this is real.  
> josh should never feel outed or targeted because of what people are saying and assuming about his sexuality.  
> idk if any of what i'm saying is making sense but i'm just so mad that people are sending him so much stuff about his sexuality. if he doesn't want to say anything about it, he doesn't want to say anything about it and as his fans we should respect that. they already saved a lot of our lives, they don't owe us anything.  
> anyway, i hope you enjoyed this chapter although it's not very good.  
> stay alive frens |-/


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night with Josh Dun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't proof read this because it's midnight and i've been writing for a while but i wanted to upload so sorry if there's a few mistakes.  
> again, i'm very brutal on myself and idk if this is any good at all  
> pls enjoy :))

It was too loud. Everything was too loud. Tyler could feel himself breaking from the inside out. He felt like he was burning up on the outside and freezing over on the inside. He’d tried writing, but it just wasn’t working. Hot tears marked his cheeks as he pulled at his hair and snapped the rubber band on his wrist violently. Everything was wrong. Nothing was okay and he didn’t even know why.

All Tyler could hear was the rain thundering down on the roof, but it was still too loud. He didn’t want it. He didn’t want any of it. His demons wouldn’t leave him tonight. They fought his only defense- his writing- and they won.

He was a waste of air. No one cared about his stupid music. No one cared about him. No one.

But what about Josh?

Josh cared about him, right? No, they just met. He didn’t care that much. They just hung out for a few hours.

Even if Josh did care about Tyler, he wouldn’t after he knew. He would know he was crazy. He’d leave to be friends with someone worth Josh’s time.

_ Buzz _ . His phone? Why would someone text him? Nobody ever texted him.

_ Josh: Hey, you wanna hang out tonight? _

Everything stopped. Tyler just stared at his phone for a minute in silence.

_ Tyler: It’s 2 am _

_ Josh: I know. You wanna hang out tonight? _

Tyler felt a small smile on his face and his hand rubbed at his wet cheek, thinking about the other day.

_ Tyler: Why the hell not _

  
  


Tyler couldn’t tell you why he agreed to it. He couldn’t even tell himself. Yet again he had agreed to hanging out with Josh without really knowing why.

Tyler headed towards his bathroom to assess the damage. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy and his cheeks were tear streaked and sticky.

Taking a deep breath, he turned on the sink faucet and washed his face. His wrist caught his eye when he did this. It was raw and an ugly shade of red from snapping the rubber band. He just took another deep breath and headed to his closet to get a hoodie to cover his arms.

Josh was picking Tyler up because he was the one with an actual car. If Tyler were to drive himself he would have to wake up one of his parents for the keys and then he’d have to be back before they went to work and it would have been a big mess. That and he just did not want to talk to his parents.

He sat on his porch as he waited, just looking out at the pouring rain. He wondered if you could drown in falling rain.

When Josh finally pulled up, Tyler ran across his yard and got into the passenger seat. Even with just being in the rain for a few seconds, he was absolutely soaked and freezing.

He looked over to find Josh smiling at him. The smile warmed him up a bit.

“Hey.” Josh said quietly.

“Hi.” Tyler said breathlessly.

“So what do you wanna do tonight? We obviously can’t do a lot,” He motioned towards the intensely falling rain, “but I’m sure we can find something.”

Tyler thought for a moment.

“I’m a bad decision maker, you pick.” Tyler said, pulling his sleeves over his hands.

“Okay. We could get taco bell and go back to my place?”

“Okay.”

And they were off.

  
  


Tyler loved taco bell. He would never admit it, but he even wrote some dumb song about it in high school. He couldn’t help how excited he got when he smelled it. He had to admit, taco bell wasn’t the worst thing after a night like the one he was having earlier.

Josh seemed to love taco bell as much as he did. He kept talking about how excited he was to dig into it. Tyler just smiled and looked out the windshield, speaking up every once in awhile.

When they got into the apartment, they wasted no time in putting on a movie (Fight Club) and eating their food. They wolfed it down way faster than they thought they would, but what did you expect? They’re guys in their early twenties.

When the movie was over, they just layed there. Tyler on the couch, Josh on the floor, both looking up at the ceiling.

“Tyler?”

“Mhm?”

“Are you okay?”

Oh no.

“Why do you ask?”

“You smile, but you don’t seem happy.”

“I’m not happy.” He wasn’t supposed to say that.

“Why aren’t you happy?”

“I don’t know.” Why is he telling him this? He’s not going to want to talk to him anymore.

“That’s okay.” That’s a new one.

“It’s okay?”

“Yeah. If you want to talk about anything, I’m here. You don’t have to be afraid to open up to me, but you don’t have to if you’re not ready.”

“I’m not ready.”

“That’s okay.”

“Okay.”

  
  


Tyler hadn’t realized that he fell asleep until he woke up the next morning. He was still on Josh’s couch and a blanket had been placed on him. He sat up and stretched, popping his stiff joints.

He hadn’t taken off his hoodie last night despite Josh telling him many times that he was going to get sick if he didn’t get out of it when it was soaked. He didn’t want to show off his wrist.

There was a sound of someone moving around in the kitchen so he got up and headed in that direction.

Josh was making scrambled eggs. He didn’t notice Tyler walk and he was drumming on the counter with a couple of forks and dancing around slightly. Tyler couldn’t help but smile.

After another minute or so, Josh spun around and realized Tyler was there, his face going tomato red in an instant.

“Oh, uh, hey. You’re awake.”

“No, don’t stop on my behalf.” Tyler joked, smiling softly.

Josh smiled back and they just stood there looking at each other for a few more moments before Josh remembered the eggs and turned around quickly.

He handed Tyler a plate of eggs and they sat together, eating in silence.

“So Tyler, do you work today?” Josh started as they finished up their breakfast.

“No, it’s my day off. Why?”

“I know we kind of just spent the whole night together, but do you wanna spend the day with me, Tyler Joseph?”

“Sure, Joshua Dun.” And Tyler couldn’t help but feel happy.

He hadn’t been happy in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you thought of it!  
> stay alive, frens |-/


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler agrees to playing for Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is still kinda short, sorry  
> i'm not good at writing long chapters  
> i don't really know what i'm doing so yeah  
> i was listening to music very loudly while writing this and i didn't proof read, so let me know if there's any mess ups  
> oh and i'm so bad at writing people singing and infusing lyrics and stuff i'm sorry
> 
> i hope you like it :))

Tyler didn’t want their day to end. They didn’t do much, just played Mario kart, watched movies, and talked. Not about anything serious. Not today, he wasn’t ready yet. Something deep down inside him wanted to tell Josh, though. Tyler had only ever confided in one person before and that ended in the worst way possible. But Josh wasn’t that person. Josh cared and he wasn’t that person.

They seemed like they cared too.

So Tyler had locked down that thought right away and went back to beating Josh’s ass at Mario kart.

When their day inevitably came to an end, Josh drove Tyler home. It was still raining and he didn’t want Tyler to walk two miles home alone at night.

“So have you thought about playing some more of your music for me?” Josh said hesitantly, glancing at Tyler.

“Um, I don’t know…” He should have known this would be coming.

“C’mon, please?”

“You won’t like it. It’s depressing and I’m not good and-”

“I’m sorry if this sounds blunt, but that’s bullshit. You have the best voice I’ve ever heard.” Josh countered softly.

“You’re just saying that.” Tyler looked anywhere but Josh.

Josh pulled over.

“What are you…?” He put the car in park and turned to face Tyler.

“I am not just saying that, Tyler,” Tyler tried to ignore the way his heart sped up when Josh said his name. “You have an amazing voice. You’re so talented at writing, I can tell just by the song I heard that day at the music shop. You have something special and it kills me to see you put yourself down for it.”

Now Tyler couldn’t look anywhere but Josh. He looked so upset that Tyler didn’t appreciate his own music. Tyler studied his face for a moment and couldn’t help but notice how warm Josh made him feel.

Josh was, for a lack of better words, very pretty.

“I’m sorry.” Tyler whispered.

“No, don’t apologize. You don’t have to show me your music. I just wish you would have more faith in yourself.”

“I’ll show you more of my music.”

“What?” Josh looked surprised, but Tyler could see a hint of an excited smile trying to peek its way through his lips.

“Yeah. Come by the shop at closing time tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Josh smiled widely and just stared at Tyler for a moment before driving again.

Tyler could feel the blush sitting on his cheeks and turned back to look out his window.

He hoped he made the right decision in saying yes to Josh.

  
  


Josh was very excited to hear more of Tyler’s music. He had no idea what was in store for him, but all that he knew was that he wanted to hear Tyler’s voice again.

He had it bad. He had to tell himself many times to cool it the day before. He didn’t think that Tyler was perfect. At least not in the proper definition of the word perfect. Anyone could look at Tyler and know he wasn’t in any way perfect. Josh, however thought he fit a different definition of the word perfect. He was perfect in the way that he was not okay, but he kept going. Josh found that perfect.

Tyler looked so broken in his car the night before and it made him hate anyone and anything that helped in breaking him. Josh wanted to make Tyler feel like he deserved the world, because he did.

He couldn’t stop looking at the clock, willing it to be closer to closing time.

Josh just sat on his couch, looking at the clock and thinking of Tyler’s voice until it was about ten minutes until the shop closed and decided he would just walk there.

When Josh got to the shop he spotted Tyler sitting at the piano, quietly mumbling to himself while rummaging through a very worn out journal.

He didn’t notice Josh was there until he was standing next to him.

“O-oh hey, um, I’m just trying to pick a song…” Tyler said quietly. Josh noticed the way Tyler’s cheeks turned red and that made him go a bit red too.

“It’s fine, take your time.”

After a few moments, Tyler seemed to made a decision and cleared his throat.

“Can you make sure Brendon turned the closed sign?”

“Yeah.”

When Josh got back, Tyler took a shaky breath, closed his eyes, and started to play.

“The young boy wants to move ahead and the old man sings rewind,” Josh was surprised at how strong Tyler’s voice started out.

The song is amazing. It was sad and all Josh could think about while he’s singing is that these were words that Tyler wrote. He went through something that warranted him to write these words. It broke Josh’s heart.

“The point in life must be pretty dark and hopeless, terrifying,” Tyler’s eyes were still closed and Josh couldn’t stop looking at him.

“Save me tonight,” Tyler slowly opened his eyes. “It must be tonight.”

The music stopped and he looked down.

“Tyler,” He kept looking down. “Tyler, look at me.”

When Tyler looked up, he was engulfed in a big hug. Josh needed to hug him.

Tyler slowly lifted his arms and hugged Josh tightly.

He liked Josh’s hugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh thE FUCKING CANCER COVER  
> 30 seconds had me crying, i'm literally going to die listening to the full thing jfc
> 
> let me know what you thought and stay alive, frens |-/


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back bitches  
> wowow i'm actually updating  
> sorry about that, i've been having a lot of writers block lately  
> i hope you enjoy :))))

The rest of the week went a lot like that. Tyler would come over on the nights that he didn’t have a shift first thing in the morning. Josh would wait for Tyler to get off work so he could sing more to him.

Tyler opened up more and more to Josh every day. He hadn’t gone very far in yet, but even Josh knew that where they were was an improvement.

 

Josh still had it bad and he couldn’t imagine his attraction towards Tyler disappearing anytime soon. He also wasn’t any closer to telling Tyler this. Tyler was in a too fragile state and he would destroy any trust he had developed towards Josh; it was best to just keep it to himself.

Even with agreeing to keep his infatuation to himself, Josh would never be able to not look at Tyler.

Tyler was honest to God the most beautiful person Josh had ever met. He wouldn’t ever understand why Tyler was so blind to it.

Josh was just sitting around his apartment, waiting for Tyler to get off work again.

He glanced over at his drum kit, which was set up in the corner of his living room.

For how crappy the apartment was, it still had pretty soundproof walls. This was a good thing because he didn’t imagine it’d go through too well with the landlord if everyone could hear him banging away at his drums like there was no tomorrow.

He didn’t tell Tyler this, but sometimes he would get some of his songs stuck in his head and make drum beats to them.

All Josh thought about anymore was Tyler and his music.

He knew it was selfish, but he kind of wanted someone to take these feelings for Tyler away.

Tyler was very quickly becoming Josh's best friend and he didn't want these feelings anymore. He didn't want his infatuation to become something more.

Besides, Josh had heard Tyler talk about Jenna.  He'd never met her personally, but Tyler’s eyes seemed to practically light up when he talked about her. Josh needed to stop thinking.

He sighed and glanced at the clock. Twenty minutes.

He figured he'd start walking so he got up and walked out the door.

Halfway there he found a flyer for a local band that was performing that night. He was sure that anyone there would be more for the booze than the music, but it didn't seem like a bad band. Maybe he and Tyler could go?

He folded up the flyer and continued his walk to the music shop.

There were still about ten minutes until closing time, but there were no customers and it looked as though Brendon had already left.

He'd gotten to know Brendon. Interesting guy. Not in a bad way, just interesting.

Tyler was sat at the piano, plunking out different chords experimentally. The sun was coming in through the glass door at just the right angle, lighting up Tyler's features. Josh needed to stop thinking about Tyler's features.

Tyler glanced up when he noticed another presence. Josh noticed that he didn't jump the way he usually would.

"Hi." Tyler smiled a little.

"Hey." Josh breathed out.

Tyler slid over and signaled for Josh to sit by him on the piano bench. Josh obliged.

They always did that, sat next to each other, shoulder leaning against shoulder, and Tyler would play his music.

And that's what they did that day too; Tyler played his music and Josh sat there in awe. When Tyler finished, he started another one, then another, until Josh had to hug him.

When they were done, it had started to get dark and Josh remembered the flyer in his back pocket.

"Hey, Ty? Do you wanna go to a concert tonight? It's a tiny gig, but I figured it'd be fun."

Tyler looked up from where he was collecting the papers falling out of his old music journal. As soon as he looked at Josh, he went red.

"Uh, sure. When is it?"

"Nine."

"Okay, I'm in." He smiled sheepishly.

"Great." Josh smiled back.

 

As soon as they got to the bar that was being performed at, Josh knew he was correct in assuming most people were there for the alcohol. It was only about five bucks to get in and the beer was cheap.

Josh was by Tyler's side almost the whole time. It was a shame more people cared about the booze than the music playing. The band was actually pretty good.

"Hey, do you want a drink?" Josh yelled to Tyler so he could hear him over the music.

"Uh, sure. I'll take a beer!" 

Josh nodded to indicate that he'd heard him and headed in the direction of the bar. When he got there he noticed a boy. He was wearing the same outfit as him.

They were both wearing a NASA shirt and black jeans.

"Hey, dude we're wearing the same thing!" Josh exclaimed to the guy.

When the guy turned around and saw Josh, he immediately went red.

"Oh I-I can put my jacket on or something."

"No! No don't worry about it." Josh laughed.

The guy was pretty small. His hair was dark and his fringe was dyed a bright shade of red, like how Josh's used to be.

The guy wasn't hard on the eyes and Josh liked the way he blushed.

"Hey, what's your name?"

"Shane." The guy managed to stutter out.

"Josh. This is random, but can I have your number? You're cute."

The guy went even more red and he mumbled a yes before fumbling around for his phone and handing it to Josh.

Josh put in his name and number, taking a quick picture of himself and handing the phone back to Shane.

"Text me." Josh smiled and went back to getting drinks for him and Tyler.

What he didn't know, though, was Tyler had watched the entire encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw shane is based on mem (the writer of Ode to You, 10/10 best fic i've ever read) cos she wanted to be a joshler cockblock  
> let me know what you thought of the chapter  
> stay alive, frens |-/


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back?  
> Sorry if this update sucks  
> Btw it's the same as last chapter, just in Tyler's pov

Things were different than they used to be.  
Tyler was slowly hating his reflection less and less every day, he wasn't as jumpy, he felt almost... wanted?  
All because of Josh.  
Josh was the most important person in his life at the moment.  
He couldn't help but feel that it was too good to be true, but he did his best to shove that feeling down as far as he could. If he doubted it, he wouldn't deserve it.  
Then again, he never thought he deserved it.  
Nothing had ever seemed to go well for him. He was always the underachiever in his family, both of his brothers were great at basketball, his sister did amazing in school and had a full guaranteed scholarship as soon as she would graduate. Tyler was mediocre. He was okay at basketball. He was okay in school- not good enough to get into college, but good enough- and he was just... there.  
He had music of course, but no one knew he wrote it, but Josh.  
He didn't even think he was good at music, but Josh was helping him become more and more confident every day.  
That's why he shot down the idea that it was too good to be true. He liked not being alone all the time and not hating everything about himself.  
That and he was falling for him.  
He wouldn't say he was in love. He wouldn't let himself get to that point.  
He just felt... something between them, even if the feeling wasn't reciprocated.  
Tyler was sitting around the music shop waiting for Josh to show up.  
"Hey, I'm heading out," Brendon called from the counter.  
"Alright."  
Brendon glanced over suspiciously.  
"Is Josh coming again?" He turned his head slightly and murmured something that sounded suspiciously like a that's what she said joke.  
"Yeah,"  
"You two have been spending an awful lot of time together lately..."  
"Stop." Tyler looked down at his journal and ran his constantly-shaking fingers across the cover. "It's not like that and you know it."  
"Mhm, I totally believe you. Just don't forget to invite me to the wedding or I'll kill you both." And with that he was out the door.  
Tyler just sighed to himself and sat down at the piano.  
Josh would be there any second, and Tyler just pulled out random chords as he waited.  
When Josh got there he just stood at the door, staring for a moment. Tyler didn't know if Josh could see the blush on his face, but it was definitely there. Tyler needed to work on this blushing thing.  
"Hi." Tyler smiled a bit involuntarily.  
"Hey." Josh replied almost inaudibly.  
Tyler moved over so Josh would have room to sit on the small bench and gestured for him to sit down.  
He was very aware of Josh's arm against his. Their legs, too.  
A deep breath, and he was playing.  
He played him more of his older stuff; stuff he wrote in high school.  
Josh sat there, listening to every word.  
Tyler played until he couldn't anymore and Josh gave him another one of his famous hugs. He could hug Josh everyday, and that says a lot. Tyler hated physical contact.  
When they finished up and Tyler was getting his journal together, Josh pulled something out of his pocket and immediately turned towards him.  
"Hey, Ty? Do you wanna go to a concert tonight? It's a tiny gig, but I figured it'd be fun."  
He looked up at his face.  
As soon as he looked at Josh, his face went red. It was almost like a date, but he couldn't think that.  
He couldn't afford to think like that.  
"Uh, sure. When is it?"  
"Nine."  
"Okay, I'm in."  
Tyler smiled. Josh smiled.  
"Great."

The bar was really something.  
Tyler and Josh were both pretty new to drinking (legally) so it was all a new experience. Tyler wasn't great with new experiences.  
It was definitely better with Josh around, though.  
The crowd was a bit overwhelming, just a mass of drunk, sweaty people.  
But the music was good and there really weren't a ton of people there, maybe 100 at the most.  
"Hey, do you want a drink?" Josh called over the music.  
"Uh, sure. I'll take a beer!"  
Josh nodded and made his way to the bar.  
Tyler was already much more anxious, standing there alone. He knew it wouldn't take long, but he couldn't help it.  
After a few moments, he glanced over at the bar, where Josh was talking to a guy.  
The guy was blushing and clumsy and Josh definitely seemed into it.  
He wouldn't admit it, but Tyler felt his heart drop.  
He looked away for a moment, and when he looked back again, Josh was smiling flirtatiously and putting his number into the guy's phone.  
He was right. Josh didn't want him. Why should he even act surprised.  
Tyler looked away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Tyler is good at basketball bUT that wouldn't have worked with this ok  
> I'm in a real writing funk lately so I'm really sorry if these updates aren't good   
> Let me know what you thought :)  
> Stay alive, frens |-/


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I need to stop saying my writing sucks but I feel like this isn't good because it hasn't been edited oOps  
> Just go in with low expectations and maybe you'll come out feeling blown away!  
> Let's just think that way  
> Last week was really bad and I'm sorry for not updating very often. I'm working on it, I promise

"Hey, you okay? You've been moping all day and you're radiating bad vibes." Brendon turned toward Tyler who was sitting behind the counter, not even trying to look like he was working.

"It's nothing."

"Sure doesn't seem like nothing. Come on, spill to uncle Brendon." He had a small, mocking smile and Tyler snapped.

"Is everything just a fucking joke to you? Some people have problems and don't need some idiot poking at them with a fucking stupid smile! Of course I'm not fucking okay! But that doesn't matter because I would rather drive off a fucking cliff than talk to you about a guy-" Tyler went red and immediately shut his mouth. He turned away from Brendon.

Brendon had seemed a bit hurt by his earlier statements, but as soon as a guy was brought up, his eyes lit up.

"So this is about a guy!"

Tyler stayed silent, watching a small spider try and make it's way up the side of the counter. He wasn't one to just explode like that. He didn't know what was happening to him.

"Is it Josh?" Brendon's voice was noticeably softer now. Tyler didn't say anything.

"Did something happen?"

He still didn't say anything.

"Tyler..."

A tear dropped onto his hand and caught Tyler by surprise. He hadn't even realized he was crying.

"Look, we don't have to talk about anything if you don't wanna, but I'm a pretty good listener when I'm not being an asshole."

Tyler slowly turned his head towards Brendon. He was standing next to Tyler, looking down at him, who was in a chair. Brendon's brows were furrowed and a he had a sad look in his eyes.

Tyler looked back down before taking a deep breath. "I don't wanna be alone."

"Okay," Brendon turned and sat on the counter across from Tyler. "Are you okay with filling me in on the situation?"

Tyler sighed, took a second to think, then started.

"Look, I know that I'm being incredibly selfish. He deserves to be happy with whoever he wants. I'm just wallowing in self pity right now. He met a guy at a concert we went to. I can't even be mad. The guy seemed nice enough and Josh likes him. God, I'm a horrible person." Tyler put his head in his hands.

"I didn't tell Josh how I felt about him because I thought that it was too soon and I was fucking scared. What am I saying? I'm glad I didn't tell him! He wouldn't have liked me back anyways and I would've ruined our friendship completely-"

"This probably isn't my place, but can I say something? I'm almost certain that Josh liked you. I don't know what he's doing with this other guy, but maybe he'll come around at some point?"

Tyler looked up at Brendon in confusion. The realization that he was talking to Brendon Urie, of all people, about his love life struck him. He wasn't as against it as he thought he'd be.

"He seems so happy with him. I can't try and get in the way of that. I'm already convinced I'm a horrible fucking person, I don't need to add fuel to the fire."

"I know it's really fucking cliche, but just remember, you two met for a reason. Whether that reason is to be together someday, or to just be friends and learn from this, it's happening for a reason and you're here for a reason. I'm not really the type to go all 'God has a plan', but I do believe in destiny and I believe you two are the subject of destiny."

Tyler stared. He never thought he'd be comforted by Brendon, and for some reason it seems to be working. He didn't know if he believed in all the destiny stuff that Brendon was talking about, and he wasn't easy to comfort, but yet here he was.

They kind of stopped talking after that, but Tyler felt comforted with just Brendon's presence.

He couldn't help but feel that the whole day had just been one big rollercoaster of emotions.

He still had a lot to think about and he couldn't sleep that night. His mind just wouldn't shut up and it seemed that it wasn't just him who couldn't sleep.

 

"Maddy?" Tyler knocked lightly on her door, which was open a crack. She was rummaging through her room and he would hear her from his room.

"Oh uh, yeah Ty?" She tried to compose herself, but she still had tears on her cheeks, and the kind of stuffiness in her voice that accompanied a cry.

"You okay?" He cringed slightly at himself. What kind of question is that?

"Y-yeah! Just, uh, looking for my acceptance letter."

"It's right there." He gestured towards her bedside table, where a small lamp and the acceptance letter to the school she'd be attending the next year were sitting.

She cursed quietly under her breath.

"I'm guessing you're not looking for that, huh?"

She looked down and breathed in a heavy breath.

"No."

"You know you can talk to me, right? I may not be the best first choice, but I'm still your big brother."

"I know. I don't know what to say," She took in another shaky breath. "I guess the only way to say it is I'm single again. God, I hate boys! They're so confusing."

"Boy troubles? This is not a good day for the Josephs with boys." Tyler said quietly to himself, but Maddy seemed to catch it.

"Wait, what? Did you say you're having boy troubles? As in romantic boy troubles?" She still had sadness in her eyes, as it comes with a young girl's breakup, but she started to smile. "Are you-"

Tyler was terrified. He didn't mean to let that slip, and he didn't know how his siblings felt about gay people. He knew how his parents felt and that's why he wasn't planning on announcing anything anytime soon.

Despite that though, he found himself starting to slowly nod.

Maddy's smile multiplied by ten and she ran to engulf Tyler in one of the tightest hugs he'd ever received.

They hugged for maybe twenty minutes and somewhere along the way, they had both started crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully that wasn't too bad  
> Anyway, IT'S NANOWRIMO (National writing month)  
> THIS MEANS I'LL PROBABLY HOPEFULLY BE UPDATING MORE WOO  
> I look forward to trying this :)  
> Leave a comment, I love comments, you know the comment box is calling out to you to leave a comment  
> Peace out, love ya, and stay alive my frens |-/


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I needed a distraction from the election so here's an update  
> It's not too good, I have food poisoning so I haven't been able to give the writing the attention it deserves  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter

Josh liked Shane. Shane was kind and funny and just about everything Josh could've wanted in a boyfriend. There was only one thing that wasn't right. Josh felt like something was missing. He didn't always want to spend time with him the way he did with Tyler. Maybe it's because Tyler was his best friend.

Shane was great, there was really no reason for Josh to be complaining.

He's surprised Shane had even stayed for the two weeks they've been together. He knew that wasn't a very long time, but he didn't really deserve Shane. Shane deserved someone who didn't look for problems two weeks into their relationship.

Do most people see problems that early in a relationship? No, there weren't any problems. Josh was just paranoid, right?

Josh was tapping anxiously on his dining table. He needed to get rid of his nerves and distract himself for a while.

He was going to hang out with Tyler that day for the first time in a few days. Tyler had been a lot more distant lately and Josh wished he knew why.

He rubbed his face and groaned. Why was everything so complicated? He should be really happy. A best friend, a boyfriend he really liked. Why did he have to find problems in everything?

When he lifted his head again, he decided he'd play the drums for a while to distract himself until he had to leave.

He was just going to play whatever beats came to him and he didn't even notice when he ended up doing one of Tyler's songs.

 

Josh pushed the door of the music shop open and looked around, not finding a trace of anyone.

"Hello?" Josh called out.

"Hello Joshua, what business do you have here?" Brendon appeared through the door to the back room.

The formality in his voice was almost comedic and Josh breathed out a small laugh.

"Uh, looking for Tyler, have you seen him."

"Yes, what do you want with him?"

"To hang out with my best friend..." He narrowed his eyes. "What's going on with you?"

"Oh, nothing." Brendon waved his hand dismissively at him.

"Okay... So are you gonna tell me where he is or...?"

"Oh, he's in the bathroom."

"Thanks,"

Brendon turned on his heels and headed back through the door to the back room, leaving Josh very confused.

Why was Brendon acting like that? Had he done something to make him mad?

Josh decided to think that it's just Brendon being his weird self.

When Tyler came out of the bathroom, Josh was looking at drumsticks. He wasn't going to get new ones because he already had many pairs, but he didn't know what else to do.

"Hey," Tyler walked up to him. He had a small smile, but Josh could tell that it's wasn't very real.

"Hey," Josh smiled, not daring to mention Tyler's less than great acting skills.

"You ready to go?"

"Yep,"

"Alright then, come on."

Tyler wasn't going to play for Josh today. They decided to just go walk around town and maybe get food.

They walked around in silence for a few minutes. It was already getting dark and Tyler seemed uncomfortable.

"Hey, are you ok?" Josh started cautiously.

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just... distracted."

About what? "Alright. Is it something you wanna get your mind off of?"

"You have no idea," Tyler said quietly, almost to himself.

"Let's go get some drinks?" Josh pointed to the sports bar across the street.

"Uh, yeah. Sure,"

They didn't know how long they were in the bar. They started out thinking that they'd just get buzzed. They left having to lean against each other to walk straight.

"Let's take a walk in the park."

"Josh, it's pitch black, we'll get jumped and die."

Josh laughed loudly.

"Come on, please?" Josh made pouty face.

Tyler rolled his eyes and pulled Joshed arm in the direction of the park. "Fine."

On their way there, it began to snow.

"Whoa," Tyler looked up at the sky, the street lamp showing off his alcohol induced flushed cheeks. Tyler was very pretty.

Josh looked away in confusion. He's not supposed to feel like this anymore. He has a boyfriend.

He knew it wasn't ok, but he was having a hard time remembering Shane's face when he saw the beautiful expression of childlike amazement on Tyler's face.

"It's sick." Josh said, all eloquence that would accompany this situation gone due to his drunkenness.

"So sick." Tyler was still looking at the sky.

Josh turned his head to look at the sky, too. The snow was started to come down thick, and before he knew it everything was covered in a layer of snow.

He was still admiring the snow when something hit him in the face.

"Umph!" Tyler had just thrown a snowball at him. He quickly created a snowball of his own and threw it at Tyler. It missed, but Tyler jumped and ran behind a bush, where he started to make more snowballs.

"RETURN FIRE!" Tyler yelled, not seeming to care that it was very late.

Josh ran behind another bush and that marked the beginning of an intense snowball war.

They both were almost out of snowballs and Josh decided to make a very dangerous move. He ran to Tyler's bush with as much snow in his arms as possible and dumped it on him.

They both fell to the ground laughing.

After a few moments of trying to catch their breath, Josh looked at Tyler.

Their laughter faded and they were left looking intently at each other.

The light from the streetlamp was ,yet again illuminating Tyler's features and Josh couldn't hold back anymore.

He moved forward until his lips met Tyler's.

His senses amplified. He was aware of every touch, every sound, every taste. He felt like he was going to burst.

You know that cliche of fireworks going off when you kiss someone? You know how everyone says it's not real? It's so very real.

His head was spinning all because of the simple pressure of Tyler's lips against his.

Then it all stopped.

Tyler had pulled away, terror on his face.

"This can't... we can't... Shane-"

Tyler then got up and ran away. Josh just sat there, wondering what the hell he just did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that happened  
> Sorry  
> Please comment what you thought  
> Ok please stay safe and alive |-/


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this instead of cleaning like my mom told me to  
> Hooray for recklessness!!1!  
> Anyway, I hope you like this chapter :))

Tyler was horrified about what had happened the night before. It was all kind of hazy due to the alcohol, but he couldn't forget the feeling of Josh's lips against his own.

He felt dirty. Josh had a boyfriend. How could Tyler let it get that far?

The worst part was that he liked it. He really liked it.

He had never actually met Shane, but he seemed like a really cool guy. How could Tyler do something like that to him? Why would Josh do something like that to him?

Tyler hadn't gotten out of bed yet and he had to be at work in half an hour. He just wanted to curl up in a ball and never leave the house again. But because his mom still acted like he was 14, she knocked on his door to tell him that he needed to get up.

"Alright, I'm up!" He called out to get her to go away.

He slowly sat up, stretched out his limbs and slid out of his bed and into the unusually cold room. He didn't know if it was actually really cold or if it just seemed that way because he really didn't want to get up.

Standing in front of his mirror, he was taking in all of the things he didn't like about himself: his face, his lanky frame, the ghosts of past self-inflicted damage.

Why did Josh even kiss him? How could he kiss someone like Tyler when he has someone like Shane? Looking at himself in the mirror just left him more confused and upset.

He wished he could just blame the alcohol. He couldn't though; alcohol doesn't just make you do stupid things, it makes you more likely to act on the stupid ideas you already have. So somewhere inside Josh, he must've wanted to kiss Tyler. And even though he would forever deny it, Tyler had wanted it, too. He just didn't want it to be when Josh was dating someone.

He moved to his closet and grabbed the first thing he saw and threw it on, then made his way to head to work.

Every day was a slow day, but Tyler was praying that held out through today.

 

"Hello? I-is Tyler here?" A quiet voice called from the counter- where no one was currently at.

Tyler groaned inwardly, wondering who would come to see him. It wasn't Josh's voice, though. Thank god.

"Sorry, that would be me." Tyler rushed out of the backroom, stopping short when he saw Shane. His heart dropped to his feet.

Tyler had only really seen Shane once, from a distance away. Josh had never really bothered to introduce them.

"Hi! I'm Shane. This probably seems really weird that I just showed up, but you make Josh really happy so I wanted to stop in and say hi." He didn't know. Josh didn't tell him.

"Uh- hi?" Tyler's heart was beating out of his chest.

"This is weird, isn't it? I'm sorry. This is creepy. I'll just go." Shane said quickly and started to head towards the door.

"Wait-" Tyler didn't know why he called him back. Maybe he saw a bit of himself in him and didn't want to leave him with the feeling that a moment like this would give him.

"Thanks. That's really cool of you, to come and say hi I mean."

He wanted to tell him. Not to hurt him or make him feel bad at all, but because he deserved to know.

But he didn't say anything. Josh needed to tell him. Tyler couldn't tell if this was because he was too much of a wimp to do it himself or because Josh was the one with Shane.

Shane smiled and nodded, mumbling a “It was nice to meet you", and headed out the door.

Tyler backed up against the wall behind the counter and slid down so he was sitting on the floor.

His heart started to calm down and he put his face in his hands. He couldn't stop the tears that forced their way through, no matter how hard he tried.

The bell above the door signaled that someone just walked in. Tyler didn't bother standing up.

"Tyler, where are you?" Brendon's voice called loudly.

Tyler didn't answer, but his sniffling gave away his location.

"Hey... what happened?" Brendon sounded reluctant, like he didn't know if Tyler would rather be alone.

"It's a long story," Tyler said, barely audible.

"I've got time if you've got time." Brendon's expression was the most serious Tyler had ever seen it, he looked so genuine.

Tyler sighed and gestured to the area beside him.

When Brendon took his place next to Tyler, he went into the story.

 

"I'm such a horrible person. And when he came here, I just stood there and let him believe that his boyfriend hadn't kissed anyone but him."

Brendon sat there in silence for a moment.

"I've been in his position before. Well not quite, when it happened to me, it was very much on purpose and reoccurring and much more than a few seconds of a drunken kiss, but I have been in a form of his position. In my personal opinion, I would rather my boyfriend tell me than the person my boyfriend cheated on me with. That's just me, though.

"They say ignorance is bliss, but no matter how ignorant you are, you always find a way to the truth. You and Josh need to talk about this and you need to get him to tell Shane. Shane doesn't deserve to be kept in the dark. I know it's scary to go see Josh after what happened. I'll go with you if I have to, but something needs to happen. Who knows, Shane may be understanding about the situation, but he won't be if it's kept from him.

"I may be rambling and half of what I just said may not make sense, but you're probably used to that with me by now," Brendon finished off, laughing quietly, albeit coming out a bit forced.

Tyler just sat there, thinking through everything Brendon had just said.

"Okay, I will."

Brendon nodded. He got up and headed into the backroom as Tyler shakily took out his phone.

 

 

  * __Meet at the music shop? We need to talk.__



 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop whoop new developments  
> I'm not sure how a normal responsible adult would handle this situation, as I am a 15 yo with social anxiety and relatively 0 experience with relationships so...  
> Sorry if it's bad or unrealistic  
> Let me know what you though! I really enjoy comments :)  
> Stay alive my friends |-/


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this chapter is really short but it's important  
> I hope you enjoy

Tyler and Josh came to the agreement that Josh would tell Shane about their kiss.

Tyler didn't want anyone to get hurt, but if they waited and Shane found out, then he would just be more hurt.

Josh knew that it was only fair for him to tell Shane.

Josh had texted Shane and asked him if they could meet up.

He could feel his heart rate getting higher as he made his way up a flight of stairs to Shane's apartment and knocked on the door.

A few moments later, Shane opened the door.

"Hey! I'm making coffee, you want some?" He moved over so that Josh could come in.

"Uh, no thanks-"

"Okay. Sorry my place is kind of a mess."

"It's ok."

"So what do you-"

"I'm sorry, I need to talk to you." Josh blurted out. He didn't mean to interrupt, he just couldn't hold it in.

"Oh, uh, okay," Shane's brows were furrowed and he wore an expression that was a mixture of curiousness and nervousness.

"Um, let's sit down." They headed to the couch and they were both sat down, Josh began.

"You are such a great guy, you didn't do anything wrong. You're honestly everything anyone could wish for in a relationship. I just- I think the basis of this- at least on my side- was more created on thinking something was here that wasn't so that I could get over my feelings for someone else. God, that's such a dick thing to do. It was a horrible reason to start a relationship. I never wanted anyone to get hurt, but I fucked that up, too. I got drunk last night and kissed that person that I thought I was getting over."

Shane just sat there for a moment, processing the information he was just given. Then an understanding smile made it's way onto his face.

"It's Tyler, isn't it?" Josh nodded slowly. "I figured. I could tell that there was a little thing going on there. Your eyes light up when you talk about him."

"Wait, are you not upset?" Josh wasn't really expecting this.

"No. Honestly, I think I was trying to get over someone, too. And I'm glad you came to me and told me. Now I just want you to be happy. Tell me, how did you feel when you kissed him?"

Josh thought back to the moment he kissed Tyler, how that intense unnameable feeling exploded in his chest, how he didn't know that a kiss could cause a feeling like that. He smiled a little to himself.

"I'm gonna take that as really good." Shane smiled brightly. "I'm glad you came to me, now go get him."

That caught Josh off guard. "Wait, what?"

"You deserve to be happy. This was a great experience and we should definitely continue to be friends. Now go get him." Shane got up and opened the door for Josh. "Don't forget to invite me to the wedding."

Then he ushered Josh out the door.

Joah just stood there for a minute, trying to process the events that just unfolded. Then he ran for the music shop. He kept running, anticipation and adrenaline pumping through his veins. He didn't know what he was going to say, but he was going to listen to Shane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect an extra long next chapter  
> Stay alive friends |-/


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this chapter isn't as long as I was planning, I'm sorry. I'll try to do that next time   
> Let's see if this chapter is what you expect  
> Hope you enjoy

Josh felt raindrops on his face as he rushed into the music shop, frantically looking around for Tyler.

There wasn't a trace of him, but Brendon was at the counter.

"Where's Tyler?" Josh asked, out of breath.

"Why?" Brendon didn't even look up from his magazine.

"Brendon I don't have time for this, where is he?"

He looked up from the magazine skeptically, before sighing, "He just left. He's going home."

Josh just nodded, mumbled a thanks, and ran in the direction of Tyler's house.

When he got to his driveway, it was pouring.

He figured Tyler had already gone inside, but when he looked at his porch, Tyler was sitting with his face in his hands.

"Hey, Tyler?" Josh moved cautiously in his direction.

His head shot up. "Wh-what are you doing here? I thought you went to see Shane?"

"I did."

"...How did it go?"

"Actually really well... I wanna tell you what I told him, you deserve to hear it too." Josh paused and Tyler signaled for him to keep going. "Okay. He's a good guy. He really is, but I started that relationship for very selfish reasons. I was trying to get over feelings for my best friend. Tyler, I didn't know if you had the same feelings as me and I didn't want to lose you, so I was an idiot and thought that dating someone else to get over those feelings was a good idea. I didn't want anyone to get hurt, but of course, I let my feelings take over and I had to go and kiss you." Josh took a deep breath before continuing. "I may be an idiot, but I don't regret it."

This threw Tyler off.

"I mean, I regret kissing you while I was with someone, but I don't regret the kiss. I really, really like you, Tyler. I'm sorry that I hurt you."

Tyler stared at his hands for a minute.

"Josh, I don't know how you want me to react to that. Of course, I really like you too, but I can't handle this. My mind can't handle this. It may have been just a kiss and we may like each other, but I can't just pretend that this would be a happily ever after.

"I trust people too easily now. I didn't do that before I met you. I only ever talked to Brendon and Jenna and even that was a rare occurrence. There's only been one other person that I let in as far as I've let you and that ended so horribly." His hand pulled on his hoodie sleeves.

"I need time," Tyler mumbled after a few seconds of silence, only the sound of the rain around them.

"Okay. Take all the time you need, Ty."

They stood in the heavy rain for a few moments, just waiting for the other to do something.

And with that, Tyler turned and went inside.

 

Tyler needed to calm down. He was sitting on the bathroom floor with his knees to his chest, shaking.

The memories wouldn't stop pouring in. Emily. The one friend he'd ever let in far enough to see his demons.

She was so disgusted...

Tyler used to have lots of friends. He's always had his demons, but at one point they weren't so bad that he couldn't hide them in a way. She was his best friend.

Tyler snapped the rubber band on his wrist.

There was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Hey Tyler, are you okay? You've been in there a while." Madison.

"Y-yeah, I'll be out in a minute."

He snapped his rubber band.

He stood up and looked in the mirror to assess the damage. His face was blotchy and his eyes were very puffy; he definitely looked like he'd been crying.

He turned the faucet on the sink and quickly splashed his face, pausing for a moment to rub his face.

He snapped his rubber band.

He opened the door and walked quickly passed Maddy, he didn't want her to see that he was crying.

"Hey wait," She caught his door before he shut it. "what's going on."

She grabbed his shoulder and he turned around.

As soon as she saw his face, an understanding expression took over hers.

"I have ice cream... You wanna watch some movies with me?"

Tyler looked at her for a second, before nodding a little.

"Yeah, sure. Just like when we were kids." He followed after her with a slight smile on his face, a feeling of nostalgia quickly replacing the painful memories of the past few days.  

 

When Josh got home, he just walked over to his couch and sat in silence for a while.

He didn't even know how to process the events of the day. He didn’t know how to feel. He looked over at his drums and thought about playing, but he didn't really want to do anything. He would usually play the drums if he was having a bad day, or if he just needed to escape. Something was holding him back.

So he just layed down on the couch and stared at the ceiling for a few hours until he heard a light scratching on the his door.

He got up reluctantly and opened the door to find a small cat sitting there.

It didn't have any kind of collar and it looked like it's been living outside for a while. It was very thin and Josh could see its ribs, leaving him to think that it hadn't been actually fed in a while.

It walked into his apartment without hesitation and hopped onto his couch.

Josh, for one, was very confused. Where did the cat come from? Why was it on his couch?

It looked at Josh with its beautiful blue eyes and Josh let it sit there.

It looks like Josh had a companion for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!  
>  Tyler and Josh didn't end up together *cough* yet *cough*  
> Maddy is a great sister  
> Josh has a cat friend  
> !!!  
> Let me know if this was a successful chapter :))
> 
> OH AND!! Almost 900 hits? I didn't expect people to actually come back to this, ily all
> 
> Stay alive friends |-/


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry i haven't updated in so long, i've just lacked motivation lately  
> pls forgive me

"So what're you doing in my apartment, little guy?"

Josh looked down at the small cat laying next to him on the couch.

It just continued to purr and laid its head on Josh's lap.

Josh could've cried. It was such an emotional day as it was, but having this cat to keep him company pushed him out of the numbness he had been feeling earlier.

He smiled a little bit and moved his hand to scratch lightly under the cat's chin.

"Where did you come from?" He whispered.

At that exact moment, he got a text.

 

Shane: hey how'd it go with tyler?

 

He contemplated replying but decided to just leave his phone alone.

He turned back to the cat, who was looking up at Josh with wide eyes.

"You must be hungry, huh?"

He carefully moved the cat off of himself and walked into the kitchen, hearing a faint meow as he left.

Opening his fridge, he scanned the contents for something he could feed to the cat. His eyes landed on a package of sliced turkey.

He took a few pieces from the package and made his way back to the cat.

It loved the turkey. It had obviously not been fed in a while.

"I'll take you to the vet tomorrow. We gotta get you as healthy as possible." He said softly as he gently scooped the cat into his arms.

He didn't know what to do with... was it a boy or a girl?

A girl.

He didn't know what to do with her. She could belong to a family that's really worried. Maybe not, she was extremely underweight, she probably lived on the streets. He could keep her but he didn't think pets were allowed in the building. It's not like he would get in trouble, it wouldn't be that hard to hide her. He'd think about it in the morning.

He grabbed some blankets and made a cat luxury suite in the corner of his room (a blanket fort) and put a pillow in the center.

She was sitting on his bed so he gently picked her up again and set her on the pillow.

"Sleep well... what am I gonna call you?"

The name of a childhood friend that was obsessed with cats popped into his head.

"Tiff?" She looked up at him and meowed quietly.

"Tiff."

 

Tyler and Maddy spent the entire day watching movies. Tyler really missed this. They used to do it all the time when they were little. Sadly life got a little too busy for it to happen as frequently.

They had just finished another one and when the credits began to roll, Maddy turned to face Tyler.

"I'm not going to force anything, but can I know what happened? Is it this boy troubles you were having?"

Tyler paused for a second before saying anything. Should he tell her? He could start from the beginning, let her know all that's been going on inside of his head. He could finally tell someone. He could tell her about Josh and Emily and his demons. He didn't have to keep it to himself anymore.

But he didn't do that. He didn't want to dump his mess of a brain all over her. That would be unfair.

So he just took a shaky breath and said, "Yes and no, but I don't wanna talk about it."

She nodded understandingly, then went to put another movie on.

He got a text.

 

Jenna: Hey I'm coming home this week!

 

He didn't expect this. He was happy of course, Jenna was his best friend as a kid but that was because their parents were friends. He could trust her with almost anything, but they never really clicked the way they were meant to.

In middle and high school everyone expected them to start dating but they just never liked each other like that.

She was coming home that week and had no idea what was going on in his life. He didn't even know if she would be okay with him liking a guy.

He just sat there and stared at his phone then sent a quick reply.

 

Tyler: that's great! i gotta get back to something but let me know if you need a ride from the airport, ok?

 

He turned to watch Aladdin as it began. His mind kept drifting back to the fact that Jenna was coming home. She had been in Chicago for a couple weeks, catching up with old friends.

Then his mind drifted to Josh.

He really liked Josh. Why was everything so complicated?

Shane was a good guy, why did he have to be dragged into this? Everything was a mess all because he had let things get too far.

"Ty? Are you ok?"

Tyler's eyes snapped up to Maddy, then he looked down.

He had bitten his lip so hard it had started bleeding and he was snapping his rubber band again.

"I-,"

"Ty, you can open up to me. I don't know if you just don't want to share with me or if you don't think you can trust me or what but this is really bothering you and it's breaking my heart that I can't help you."

"I don't wanna dump my problems on you." He whispered, looking down at his lap.

"Tyler. I want to help, you wouldn't be 'dumping your problems on me', ok?"

He nodded.

"Do you want to tell me or are you not ready yet."

"Both."

"Then let's start small. Tell me about this boy."

So he told her about Josh. About his smile and his hair and his eyes that can warm up his cold ones. He told her about Shane and how he felt when he saw them talking at the bar that one night. He told her about how it felt when he kissed him and how horrible he felt afterward because what kind of person kisses a man who's already dating someone. He told her about Josh confessing his feelings and how hard it was to tell him he needed time but knew that it was the best choice.

By the end of it, he was crying in her arms and she was rubbing soothing circles into his back.

She didn't say anything, which to be honest, he was grateful for.

He missed talking to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed, again i'm really sorry it took me so long to update
> 
> btw idk if i've mentioned this or not and even if i did i changed my @ so if you're interested my twitter is @doubtkatsudon, come say hi!
> 
> stay safe and stay alive |-/


	14. not a chapter

Hey, it’s been a while. When I first started writing this fic I had been planning to update at least once a week. Obviously, I haven’t done that. I’ve been experiencing a serious lack of inspiration for this story. I’ve had a ton of ideas for oneshots and stories with original characters, but not much has inspired me when it comes to this story. Don’t get me wrong, I like this story. I actually think it’s one of my favorite things I’ve written considering how inexperienced I am. I’ve just had a massive writer’s block for this one story for months and I need a while to figure out what to do with this. I’m not saying I’m abandoning it, I just think I’m gonna work on one shots and other things for a while. Think of it as a bit of a hiatus.

Thank you all for your support so far.

This is not the end

Stay alive friends |-/


	15. chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,,, i'm back!  
> i didn't expect to come off hiatus so quickly but i got a lot of inspiration for this story recently so !! you're stuck with me
> 
> i mean you're not stuck with me, you can leave if you want but IM BACK
> 
> :)

Tyler hadn't seen Josh in weeks. He wished he could say he didn't think about him every single day.  
Jenna had been home so he was spending most of his days with her. It was good with her, but something always felt missing. It's not that she was a bad friend or anything. He just missed his real best friend. He missed Josh.  
He'd been having more frequent sleepless nights full of battles against his own mind. Writing was becoming more of a useless defense.  
It was currently 3 a.m. and he was going through one of the worst nights of the last few weeks. He ran his hands over his face and through his hair, the tears from his face being transferred into his hair. He couldn't get himself to care.  
He glanced at his phone.  
He could text him.  
No, that was a horrible idea.  
But, he would understand.  
Josh was probably doing better without him, he didn't need him calling him in the middle of the night.  
He would want to help.  
Tyler, shaking, grabbed his phone and slowly made his way to Josh's contact.

Tyler: i'm sorry

He looked up and took a deep breath. Only a moment later, he felt his phone buzz.

Josh: you haven't done anything wrong

He choked back another sob. After all this time, Josh was still being kind to him.

Tyler: help me

Josh: do you want to come over?

Tyler: are you ok with that

Josh: of course i am, why wouldn't i?

Josh: we can get taco bell like we used to

Tyler felt his heart beating faster, he missed doing that with Josh.

Tyler: ok

Not long after, Josh was pulling up to his house. Tyler quietly walked out his front door and over to his car.  
Tyler looked at Josh for a few moments. Josh looked at Tyler for a few moments. Josh was the first to speak.  
"Hey," He breathed out.  
"Hi." Tyler said, his voice cracking at the end.  
"Come here." Josh pulled Tyler into a tight hug and they just sat there for what felt like an eternity. Tyler didn't want the eternity to end. He forgot how it felt to hug Josh.  
Soon they started driving towards taco bell, then in the direction of Josh's place.  
They did all of this in relative silence.  
When they walked into the apartment, Tyler noticed a cat sitting on the couch.  
His confusion must've been apparent on his face because Josh laughed quietly.  
"Tiff showed up at my door a while ago. She won't leave now, not that I'm complaining."  
Tyler nodded slightly, a small smile making it's way to his lips.  
He scratched softly under her chin, "I don't even understand how you can afford this apartment, yet alone a cat. You haven't had a job the whole time I've known you."  
"Oh, uh, my parents pay for the apartment." He smiled sheepishly, "They don't know I dropped out of college yet."  
"Oh, rebel Josh huh?" He still wore a small smile and turned to face Josh again. Josh was looking intently at him.  
"Josh, can I talk to you?"  
"Yeah, of course."  
He took a deep breath.  
"I kind of regret telling you I needed time. I mean I did need time. I just- I pushed you away after. I regret pushing you away. I still really, really like you. I know I might regret saying this later, but I miss you and the way you made me feel and just... everything."  
Josh stepped a little closer, his fingers landed softly on Tyler's cheek.  
"I miss you too, so much."  
Tyler closed his eyes and put his hand over Josh's on his cheek.  
"Josh?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I know this is so cliche I might throw up but, I need you."  
"Oh god Tyler, I need you too. I missed you so much."  
"Are you gonna kiss me?"  
"Yeah."  
And with that, Josh's lips were against his.  
This time was different from the last. They had nothing to worry about. It wasn't a drunken, heat of the moment kiss that they regretted a moment later. This was what they had been waiting for. The entire time that they had known each other, everything they had been through, led to this exact moment.  
Heat spread through Tyler's body as he lost himself in Josh. They slowly backed into the couch, Josh being careful to not put all of his weight on Tyler.  
The kiss started to get sloppy and they were starting to get a little heated.  
Josh moved to his neck.  
Tyler didn't expect to like it this much.  
"Jo-sh, we sh-should slow down a bit," Tyler somehow got out, his voice coming out both high and raspy.  
"Yeah, you're right." Josh pulled away. He scanned Tyler's face, making Tyler blush even more than he already was. He slowly leaned down and kissed Tyler's nose, then made his way off of him and disappeared down the hallway.  
Tyler sat up in a cross-legged position, Tiff making her way onto his lap.  
Josh reappeared with many blankets in his arms, he covered all three of them with them and pulled Tyler close.  
"So how are you lately, I'm sorry we got a little uh, distracted."  
So they stayed like that for the rest of the night; wrapped up in blankets, talking quietly and just enjoying finally being close to each other.  
Tyler ended up falling asleep around 7 a.m., his head on Josh's shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo  
> what'd ya think?
> 
> love ya, stay alive |-/


	16. not a chapter 2.0: the end

ok so i know i said i was back and then left for literal months, i'm sorry. i was feeling extra creative when i last updated and that died out in what i'm pretty sure were just a matter of days. my mental health hasn't been at it's highest point lately and new ideas just stopped coming to me. so i'm sorry if you wanted more to this story, but i don't know if i would've had anything more to contribute. i just got to the kiss and it's like there could be more but my mind won't let the story go any further than that, so i guess it'll just have to be left to your imagination. i didn't want to just leave this fic abandoned without an explanation so yeah. maybe someday i can continue but i don't think it'll be anytime soon.   
i really appreciate everyone who read this train wreck of a story. i still love to write and everyone who left comments and kudos really helped encourage me to keep going. i hope you're all healthy and safe and doing well.   
if you want to you can follow my twitter (@dancingdoubt) but i have to warn you most of my tweets are about bts or just me being an idiot, not twenty one pilots (although it does happen occasionally)   
again thank you, i appreciate all of you a whole lot <3  
\- kyo


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